REDNECKS VS. PILOTS by angrypilotwife

Thursday, July 4, 2013

REDNECKS VS. PILOTS

Hello.  My name is AngryPilotWife... and I am a Redneck.  There is no support or recovery group for this because there ain't one damn thing wrong with being a Redneck!  Let's get our terminology straight.  With no disrespect to Jeff Foxworthy, being a Redneck doesn't mean you live in a single-wide trailer with the first cousin you married.  Being a Redneck means you love your country, love your family, love your community, work hard, play hard, know everyone in church by name, and you are friends with at least 4 men over the age of 75, regardless of your age.

PilotHusband, although born and raised in the South, is definitely NOT a Redneck.  It got me thinking about the similarities and differences between Rednecks and Air Line Pilots.  Here's what I came up with....

Similarity: Air Line Pilots and Rednecks both have a favorite hat.  For Pilots, its the uniform hat they worked for years to get.  They spend hours, at home, drinking Scotch, watching the Military Channel, bending the hat, until they achieve the perfect look.  And sadly, for most Pilots, they end up looking like U-Boat Captains.  Rednecks love their hats too.  For us, its a ball cap that is faded from hours in the sun, stained with sweat, and (if broken in correctly) slightly frayed at the brim.  Pilot hats are useful, as they convey professionalism, authority, and rank.  Redneck hats are useful, as they keep the sun out of your eyes, the sweat from rolling down your face, and can be used to swat at horse flies or hornets when working outside.

Difference:  This one is a bit tricky.  While both Air Line Pilots and Rednecks may drive a pickup truck, only Rednecks actually USE their truck.  Pilots may drive a truck, but they don't actually use it for anything.  A redneck uses his (or her) truck to tow a bass boat, haul in a load of hay, deliver firewood, or illuminate a kick-ass party in the middle of a field.  If a Pilot's truck gets dirty, he heads off to the nearest car wash.  If a Redneck's truck gets dirty, it fills us with a sense of pride because it shows everyone that we either had the most fun or worked the hardest.

Similarity:  Pilots and Rednecks tend to be Republicans and hard core Constitutionalists.  Pilots believe in the Right to Free Speech.  Rednecks practice it frequently, saying exactly what is on their mind.  We just preface it with "I mean no disrespect, but..." or "Bless your heart...".  Pilots believe in the Right to Bare Arms.  Rednecks do it frequently.  We hunt and eat what we kill  We have target practice.  However it involves empty beer cans in a field instead of some fancy range with a cigar lounge.  If you show up at the end of our dirt driveway, we'll rack a Winchester Defender, just before we greet you warmly, just to be on the safe side.

Difference:  Pilots hire, Rednecks do.  An Air Line Pilot looks at the pine tree that fell in his yard during the last storm and calls someone to remove it.  A Redneck chunks up the pine tree that fell in his yard and hauls it off to the field for an awesome bonfire party.

Difference:  Anthems.  The standard Pilot anthem, whether they admit it or not, is Kenny Loggins singing "Danger Zone" from the movie Top Gun.  For us Rednecks; we gravitate towards Garth Brooks' "I Got Friends in Low Places" or Toby Keith singing "Red Solo Cup".

All in all, if we could get Pilots to go mudding instead of flying, shoot some soda pop cans instead of going to the FFDO requal range, and use their hands for something other than... well... that thing they do while watching You.Porn, this might be the start of a beautiful friendship!


angrypilotwife blog link